some creepy 50 y/o dude slowly trailed beyond me on his bike, while i rode behind him. trying to dodge him, he looked me in the eye and gave me a pass with his hand to signal i could in front of him. Immediatley i thought, fuck no, this person can pin point xactly where im going and trap me when no ones looking. i gave him a very drrty look, went around him from the behind and began trailing on the sidewalk. he followed me, onto the sidewalk. luckily my destination was right there so i turned into the parking lot and made my way up to the opened doors. the man still followed me, and tried getting my attn saying excuse me and asking questions. I had my headphones on full blast and i looked at him and said leave me the fuck alone. I parked my bike into the building and it turned out that creepy man ended up attending the same work meeting i was at. he was just asking for directions.
but you see, this is an exact perfect exploration of men and their inherent entitlement complexes. why do you think, being an old ass creepy man, can apporach a young woman in any fucking fashion and manner. be it, asking for directions, FOLLOWING them into a building, is that not fucking creepy?? as “innocent” of an act asking directions was, there is an undeniable theme of this world, which Men are PREDATORS. because women are weak, soft, vulnerable, cant open doors for themselves, should get raped if drunk. men cant assume they can approach people in any way they want, becos you are a fucking predator, you are a fucking creep, you are a threat. even if those arent your intentions. Men created a world based upon dominance and fear. So you can suffer the consequences too, and accept that a women in her right vigilant mind will only assume for her saftey, that you are a danger to us.
focus, focus, focus.
im starting off by scratch again. yeah, my lifes not perfect and i hit bottom at least 4 times a month. i struggle alot, but im great at masking it. i got a great boyfriend who gives me all the attn i need. i have wonderful friends, even if theyre stuck in jail, moved away, or dead. everytime i see mark, its like seeing my mentor, or hearing life advice. hes alwayse telling me things like how im “doing great”, how i got “good things going for me, dont forget that”, or how “man, if i could go back to your age, id do it all different and take advantage of all that you have”. its like when one stupid idea comes into my head, i hear all the things mark tells me that usually encourages me to push myself to my potential. so im waiting on this insurance money from when the car hit me. and some buddies built up a bike for me to ride in the meanwhile. so many people have my back. so many people fuckin love me and it blows my mind out of reality to realize how ive created these bonds from nothin. and now this. now i have so many people who support me. its fuckin crazy. home is where yr heart is, obviously!! i got a new job at a weedshop. i get paid to roll blunts all day and play with weed. im happy with my boyfriend. and i can honestly say, i couldnt possibly be as miserable as i was This same day, Last year.
god im gonna be so fuckin lonely. living in this home that i virtually am alwayse alone in. my bf is having all of his friend fly in from portland for 2 wks for a friends death anniversary. im stuck in la, no bike, nothing! i can spend time at the library or i can start baking again. all my best friends are gone. what a crazy paradox of spending time with my least favorite persyn..myself **
Ive decided to ride my bike more and so i havent been on as much. But currently, Im trying to adopt a new cat friend. I just moved into a new house with some of my cyclist friends, and there is tons of room to house a new play mate. If you didnt know, spouse is having trouble with his health and is in a more stable enviroment where he will stay with his new dad/mom that loves him so much. Altho i would like to give him a brother that he can admire from afar. I need to raise 1,500 USD to get this lil boy to live with me, donate whatever you can. all of it is appreciated. xoxxx